Feeling Discouraged...

I woke up early one morning, when the sun was barely making its warm presence known, with a heavy feeling of urgency and anxiety.

My heart was beating fast. My breathing hard and elaborate.

Along with this awful feeling I felt a sense of discouragement, almost as if a voice kept repeating itself my past mistakes; the areas I always come short, bringing a kind reminder that felt true: no matter how many times you try, you never seem to change.

Lacking lucidity of mind at that early hour, I was unable to fight off the thoughts and the anxiety it produced.

It felt true, and this feeling didn't leave me for quite a few days.

I started to feel hopeless.

I know now that I was exaggerating. I know that my anxiety had a lot to do with this.

I know and recognize that God has made me grow a lot in the past couple of years. But looking ahead, to that ideal horizon, I quickly feel hopeless at the seemingly endless track there is yet to traverse.

The most discouraging thing about all of this, however, is that the voice I heard that morning isn't 100% wrong. There is a grain of truth to it.

I lack discipline, consistency and persistence.

There are countless projects I always start and, as embarrassing as it is to admit, I don't finish almost all of them.

It is not for my lack of trying, for I wouldn't start any project without the slightest hope of finishing it.

I try and try, and I get distracted and sidetracked.

There are many things I want to grow in this year, but there is still an overwhelming sense of hopelessness in me.

That voice is still reminding me how undisciplined, inconsistent and impersistent I am.

Do you really think this time it will be different? How many times have you tried and failed? Sure you keep at it for a couple of weeks, maybe some months, and then it dies. Don't go on fooling yourself!

There is a grain of truth in this, and it is wise to remember this.

But it's only a grain of truth.

It is true that I usually leave many projects unfinished, but it is also true than in my trying and trying there is true growth, and the trying and trying is persistence in itself.

There is reason to be concerned and to pay attention to the things that sidetrack us and distract us, but there is reason to rejoice as well!

I look behind and see how far I've come, and while I'm sure there are many more embarrassing tripping and falling ahead of me, I am a more mature person now than I was a year ago.

What this voice is neglecting to say to me, and to all of us when we hear it, is that Christ is truly, uniquely and resolutely for us, and none of His creatures are a hopeless case.

New Year's Resolutions December Update with 2014 Resolutions!

It's been a whole year. Finally. In this post I will look back on this whole year within the context of my resolutions and reflect and learn from the successes (few) and mistakes (lots) I made in my resolutions from 2013.

So wait, what were they again? Okay, here were my 3 resolutions for 2013:

Resolution #1 Achieve my ideal weight.

Obviously, this didn't happen. If anything it was a bad year for weight loss. It was more like a scary roller coaster ride, with lots of ups and down.

I think I know part of the mistake I made in this resolution. "Achieving your ideal weight" is too vague and not specific enough to be pursued.

The better question to be asked is not what I want, which is achieve my ideal weight, but rather what must I do to do that, which I will answer in my resolutions for 2014!

Resolution #2 Keep my room clean, year long.

Another area where I failed miserably and I think the same mistake applies as above. Too vague and not specific enough.

Yes, I do want my room clean, but what steps do I need to take in order to keep it clean?

Resolution #3 Update my blog regularly, minimum once a week.

I did much better on this resolution. It is no surprise now that part of the reason of why I did so well was because it was a specific resolution.

There is something to be learned here.

Resolutions for 2014!

2013 is gone and many lessons were learned. With that in mind I'm ready to share my resolutions for 2014!

Resolution #1 Calorie count everyday: I want to lose weight, but calorie counting can be a powerful tool I can use for weight loss. So instead of having the big bright and ideal goal of achieving my ideal weight, dividing that goal into little pieces and focusing on them can be immensely helpful!

Resolution #2 Spend 30 minutes a week cleaning my room: The same logic as above applies here. If I can manage on cleaning my room for 30 minutes a week then I can probably achieve the ideal goal of keeping my room clean.

Resolution #3 Update my blog twice a week: don't fix what isn't broken. This resolution helped me a lot in keeping this blog somewhat updated. Here is hoping I do even better this year.

What are your New Year's Resolutions? Do you even make resolutions? Why or why not?